totie

When Totie came to live with us, Spanky and I lived on Bright Street in Jersey City. We'd been there maybe a year when Spanky's childhood cat died, and after a few months, we thought we'd get another cat so that we'd each still have one. Stella was not with us yet. We looked off and on for a while, and back then, there was a bus that used to park along Union Square that housed cats for adoption. One day while out and about, we decided to investigate. The man who ran the bus told us that he drove it around and rescued strays from the streets and rehabilitated them, and then when they were ready, he tried to get them adopted. There were a lot of cats straining at the cages trying to get your attention, and then there was this black and white cat, sleeping amidst all the noise and chaos, with her little paw over her eyes.



"What about that one?" we asked.
"Oh, that's Totie," he said, "She's been here a long time. She's a really special cat, and I would love for her to go to a good home."
Spanky picked her up and held her, and Totie put her face up to Spanky's and kissed her. It was just meant to be. We knew she was a fat cat, but it was time to bring her home, it took both of us and a really long walk down 14th street to 6th avenue to get her home on the PATH. She was SO HEAVY. We had to keep stopping to rest our arms.

When we got her home, we put Sugar, our other cat, in the living room, and Spanky opened the cage in the bedroom to let Totie come out. When she sauntered out, Spanky said, "Kim, can you come in here a minute?" And I went in, and there was this fat cat, walking around on these stumpy little legs! She had a shorter than normal tail and these really short little legs. Apparently, the man who rescued her called her Totie after Totie Fields, a large comedienne who also suffered an amputation because of diabetes.

Anyway, Totie was a joy. She had such an even temper, loved to play, was Stella's best friend when we brought the little puppy home to live with us, and even learned to work a bowl with a pedal-powered lid. She would wake us up at 5am every day, slamming the lid of her bowl to say WAKE UP BITCHES, AND FEED ME. I'M HUNGRY!!! HELLLOOOO!!!

Not only that, but everyone loved her. She was so sweet and loving, and just wanted to be with you. Her greatest joys were sleeping in the sun, eating, taking gigantic shits in the litter box, and playing.

 

Stella was her biggest fan, too. We'd often come into the bedroom looking for the dog, only to find her on top of the cat, making sweet, sweet love to her, while Totie just looked on mildly. The dog was very protective of Totie, defending her against Sugar, who can be quite fierce when provoked. Totie just wanted to be friends with everyone, and I think she succeeded.

 

Earlier this year, we noticed that she had something sticking out of her left nostril, and after a biopsy learned that it was malignant lymphoma. We were told that without aggressive treatment (that we could neither afford nor wanted to put the cat through) we were looking at a couple of months more at the most. Then Totie got sick with a cold, or the beginning of pneumonia, or something else. I don't know, but her last few weeks she couldn't breathe and seemed to be in pain, whether from the tumor growing in her face or the cancer that (maybe) spread to her lungs, or the pneumonia which made it hard for her to catch her breath. I don't know. But we finally made the painful decision, backed by her oncologist, to put her to sleep. Her quality of life was very low, and we hated to see her in so much pain. Even at the end though, she was good natured, putting out her paw for the laser light toy, trying to get the catnip cigar. She couldn't smell anything, could barely breathe, and bundling her into our rental car for that last trip was one of the hardest things Spanky and I have gone through together.



Totie had a very specific feel and smell, and looking at all the pictures of her, trying to decide which showed her in her best light, I can remember touching her fur, and feeling her gigantic weight laying on my chest at night for a purr and rub before bed. She had a thousand quirky habits, and we've been keeping her alive for each other by remembering things she did. She brought us so much joy that I wouldn't have traded having her in our lives for anything. She really fit. She just made herself at home and became part of our family. And now that part is missing, and it feels weird to just have Sugar and Stella with no third point of reference, no comic foil to relieve the tension. No fat butt to wipe or ear to clean. No purr to hear.

We all miss you, Totie. I hope if you're out there, you get all the food you want, get time with the string, and have someone to clean your ear for you if it itches. I'm sure you're making everyone there just a little bit happier, because that's what happened here. Everyone who met you went home just a little bit happier.




*Thanks to Spanky for all the beautiful photos. She's much better at that than I.