what I've been up to...

I had a job interview this past week. The opportunity was much appreciated, because it spurred me to think about what I really want. You get fed so much bullshit from all sources about what is the right way to live, that sometimes it is hard to know what is best for you. Just because someone else is a stay at home mom who makes all her child's clothes and bakes fresh cookies every day, does that mean that is right for me? Should I want that? It sounds lovely. Just because the woman that interviewed me went to an Ivy League school and talked a mile a minute and has a nanny for her two kids, does that mean that I should want the power job she was interviewing for? Do I want to be like her? That sounds tempting too! What do I want? What's best for me? Not the me I think I should be, but the me that I am.

These are the things I know that I want:
1. I want to buy a house. I don't want an apartment. I don't want a condo. I want a house, with a yard. Not a big yard, not in a neighborhood where I have to maintain the damn thing to someone else's specifications, but a fucking YARD where Stella can run around without a leash.

2. I want a partner who loves me. Me. Not the person she wishes I was, but the person I am. Goofy, loud, lazy, messy, smelly me. I want to have all our shit together so that if (god forbid) one of us gets into an accident or has to go to the hospital that there is NO DOUBT about why the other one is there. I would love to get married with a ceremony and a ring, but it is really more important that the commitment is there (and the paperwork is in order!). I want to feel supported and loved, and secure that the person she is will be there for me no matter what, as I will be for her.

3. I want a job that I like doing, that I feel that I do well, and that isn't something that drains all my life away doing.

4. I want time to do the things I love--read, knit, watch movies, run, travel, visit family, etc.--and money to be able to do those things.

5. I want to help. I don't know how else to define this, but I want to help. Either through my job, or through something I can do with my time or effort. I want, in a small way, to make the world a better place.

6. I want to be part of a community. I like having a local coffee place, and seeing the same people when I walk the dog, and having a knitting group that I love.

Some of these things are very much part of my life now, in JC, at my current job, and some of them very much are not. I tend to dwell on the things that I'm missing, and forget about the things I've already got, and it was good to have everything put into perspective again, even though it means that I'm not going to take that job, with more money and more power. I guess money isn't everything. It's hard to let go, but I know it isn't the right move for me, especially now. I need to focus on the things on that list, and not get distracted. I need to just refine from where I am now. I'm halfway there. I'll figure it out eventually I think. This transitional place is just a hard place for me to be. I like things settled, and I've been in flux much too long.

Anyway, back to the knitting:

I'm working on three projects, which is good. They're all coming along, and I feel like I'm making progress again, even though I started the third one because I needed a break from Veil. So let's talk about that one first:

1.

This is Veil by Norah Gaughan. It is one of the best patterns in NG volume 2. Well, I like it, obviously. There are a few others I like in "Objet d'Art", which is the story with Veil in it, such as 'Pleat', and 'Mobius', although I probably wouldn't make Mobius, Pleat could be something I knit sooner rather than later.

Anyway, Veil is knit in two pieces, one stockinette, and one big lace piece that you knit and then attach later. This is the lace:



I have just started. Again. The needles I knit the stockinette part on are Pony needles, which are smooth plastic. So smooth in fact that the stitches have slid off the needle TWICE already. I'm being really careful now, and only knitting rows when I have time to finish them and only in twos. Knitting with this yarn is like knitting with waxed thread, and it's not that pleasant, actually. I do like the look of it, but I don't think I'll want to use it again, especially not for lace. We'll see. Maybe I'll change my mind if the finished object turns out really awesome.

2. **image removed from prying mommy eyes**

My mom's Jaywalkers are also in progress. I just kitchenered the toe of the first one today, and cast on for the second. This has to be done by the end of June, but I think I'm well on the way to being finished with these, especially with a business trip coming up this Thursday (to Minneapolis, AGAIN...)

3.

I got these two skeins of Alpaca blend yarn from a Michael's in Murfreesboro during that horrible night, and planned to crochet the scarf pattern on the ball band, which I'll link when I finish this and do the FO post, but let's just say that I'm not the best crocheter around, and I had a lot of trouble understanding the pattern. That's when I pulled out the One Skein book, and found the crochet cravat pattern. I'm planning to just keep going until I run out of yarn, but it's already cute, right? This might be my marketing person's holiday present... We'll see.

So that is the long and short of it. My niece is coming at the end of June to spend some time with me and I can't wait. I want to spend some quality time with her and my sister and just enjoy living in (next to) one of the best cities in the world for once, instead of stressing about it all the time. YAY.